Stand in the Courage and Strength of Who You Are
December 15, 2017
No editing, photoshopping, regretting, nor even anticipating change. This is…a 38 year-old body. 4 months post partum. Birthed 3, conceived 5.
We go through life trying on various cloaks. Cloaks that are young, middle aged, or old; decaying every moment. Cloaks that are skinny, fit, flabby, or heavy. Fresh, delicate, or worn out. Tight, pregnant, saggy, or soft. Yet, despite what society, media, your peers or even parents may tell you, none of it is right or wrong, good or bad, ugly or beautiful. It just is what it is, reflective of time and circumstance, for the time being. Wear the world like a loose garment, for all of these cloaks are temporary costumes offering us different tastes of life, through various perspectives. Let us be bold, brave and have the courage to live all experiences openly.
When I had my first child at 24, I was anxious to lose the ‘excess’ weight and get back in shape in order to feel attractive again. After birthing my second (at 36) I also felt the pressure to drop the weight. Only this time around, I became AWARE of my underlying inability to love and accept my cloak as a changing body that just birthed a human being into this world. First step to any change is awareness. I questioned the critical nature of my thoughts that placed conditions on accepting and loving this body, and realized that this was speaking of deep seated feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy. The heavy cloak helped me to see this very clearly…thank you for the wisdom.
My kids are my most influential teachers. They are the main catalysts propelling me forward on this journey of change and growth through self discovery. I feel that whatever lessons I don’t sort out on my own (fully understand, make peace with, shift, forgive) I will inevitably pass onto them to have to wrestle with. As a mama bear, I’d prefer to untie my own karmic knots and free my children of any undue burden that I myself can reckon with.
So here is this body now. Having housed, nourished and birthed a third baby. I am choosing to let the cushion of my body offer warmth and more comfort to my kiddies. I am not sucking it in or hiding it but allowing my flesh to speak of the adventures it has had – unapologetically.
You see, all of this is temporary. This 150 lbs post partum body is temporary. The opportunity to be young and mobile is temporary. The gift of being within this human form is temporary. This very moment is temporary. All of this shall pass. Let us accept, enjoy and celebrate every bit of it. It’s not to say that the health of our bodies is not important, but let us take care of the deep seated feelings of unworthiness and inadequate-ness and unlovable-ness first by becoming aware that these feelings are at the root of much of the madness that drives our blind motivations. Let us start from a place that needs one’s own awareness to awaken and reflect upon in order to tend to and soothe ancient wounds. Let us live each moment intimately so that our lives can be enriched by experiences that are fully embodied.
This is life, temporary and fleeting. This cloak, like all others, has an expiration date. Show up courageously to see, feel and taste it in its fullness, for the time being. May we all choose to stand in the courage and strength of who we are…which is so much stronger and more brilliant than these changing costumes.